Image via WikipediaApple has $51 billion in cash and securities. Chief Executive Steve Jobs has said he needs that money for “one or more strategic opportunities in the future.” People on the Internet have told me that won’t involve Apple buying Facebook. I believe them. Here are some other things Apple could buy, but won’t:
Twenty-one B-2 bombers ($44.8 billion*)
Stealth bombers could make sure goods shipped from Chinese factories are safe from pirates.
Taco Bell, Kentucky Fried Chicken, & Pizza Hut ($23.4 billion)
The handheld digital media player market is saturated. Maybe that’s because Apple’s handhelds aren’t edible. Taco Bell doesn’t have that problem.
Everything Intel will make this year ($43.5 billion)
This could cause problems for Apple rivals Hewlett-Packard, Dell, and Acer, who use Intel’s chips, too.
The gross domestic product of Lebanon ($48.5 billion)
Lebanon is cool. Apple is cool. Synergy!
Ford Motor Company ($48.7 billion)
Apple chief industrial designer Jonathan Ive should design cars. Preferably all of them. Everything built by Ford would be a start.**
*This would be a one-time cost, including planes, training, parts, and maintenance, based on the cost of the United States’ B-2 program since its inception.
**Update: this is not meant to be a slap at Ford. It’s just biggest car company Apple could (very hypothetically) afford, with the joke being we want to give Ive as much of the car industry as possible. 
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